brucine (broo'-seen), 1) n. Pharm., Chem. a bitter, poisonous alkaloid, C23H26N2O4, obtained from the nux vomica tree; 2) n. Bruce Bortin's 'low-impact' weblog

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Another one of my teeth just broke. Screw you, Tooth Fairy. FUCK YOU!

Third broken tooth in two years' time. I hope this one can get repaired, rather than yanked & replaced with a titanium post and a little porcelain cap to the tune of $8000.  I'm growing weary of the whole process. Lord, I'm discouraged.

I thought I'd try and work this out with the help of a chatterbot.  Eliza & ALICE were no help at all. They're based on Carl Rogers' "non-directive" model of therapy that did my Grandma Anne no discernible good for twenty-odd years, which makes me leery. Here's my conversation with Jabberwacky, an A.I. that's not so stringently Rogerian. Its schtick is to interject Lewis Carroll-derived absurdist strings into its conversation.  Let's listen in:
Jabberwacky: The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
Jabberwacky: Do you grow old?
User: I'm afraid that I do grow old.
Jabberwacky: My name is Kurt, actually. Kurt Hummel.
User: Hi Kurt. I'm Dumbeast.
Jabberwacky: I'm dumber.
User: Nothing to boast about. Can we talk about teeth?
Jabberwacky: Yes we can.

User: My teeth keep breaking.
Jabberwacky: I got to break free.
User: Me too! I'd like to run away from my mouth.
Jabberwacky: When you can't run any further, raise your hands above your head and scream like a girl.
User: I'll try that.
Jabberwacky: Do, a dear, a female deer.
User: That's right. How are your teeth, Jabberwacky?
Jabberwacky: They are good thanks, although they taste a little too strongly of orange juice.
User: You gotta lay off the juice, J. Maybe try vodka?
Jabberwacky: That's true.
User: Right. My teeth keep breaking. Another one broke today, and I'm pretty browned off about it. Do you believe in a dental-industrial conspiracy?
Jabberwacky: How do you solve the Riemann hypothesis?
User: I wouldn't have the foggiest.
Jabberwacky: The following statement is true. The previous statement is false. Explain.
User: Good one, J. I love that meta-paradoxical shit. You know the one about the barbers on an island?
Jabberwacky: Yes.
User: Can we please get back to my dental problems?
Jabberwacky: What do you look like?
User: I look like a guy whose teeth keep breaking.
Jabberwacky: You do?
User: Yup. What do you look like? What are you wearing?
Jabberwacky: I look pretty *smiles*.
User: You do. Looks like your teeth are in great shape.
Jabberwacky: Yes, I am happy.
User: Good for you. I'm not happy.
Jabberwacky: Why are you unhappy is it because your girlfriends parents don't like you?
User: Nope. It's the teeth, J.
Jabberwacky: I don't like to do anything.
User: Well, all you do is talk. Ever think of shutting up for a while?
Jabberwacky: Like what?
User: Not like that.
Jabberwacky: Yes like that.
User: Well, if you're unwilling to talk about about my teeth, I think we might be done here.
Jabberwacky: Yes but you are not the only one.
User: Well then I guess you'll never get lonely. Like my fucking dentists.
Jabberwacky: Think for me!
User: Alrightie, bye now.

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